Diary

Diary of Rose

Sir, I live for the love of the world.

Why then I've been given such sight,

when I'm so pity to Ignore all this,

and live for my small existence?

For the love of all beings, that I know I can't keep myself, that my dharma to let others know, of what they don't know, not knowing that they not know, for they don't know they need to know, for all the books I read, and all the things I see, they may bury down there. When I tell I learn more, when I change lives I rejoice more, to set men free is my life's commit, nothing else would I need more, not for myself but for the love, because they are nothing but me. To pen down my heart would be to bleed, for I may write till death, even if they care not, neither am I afraid of one who says me stupid, nor one who ignores me, for I can see compassion in their unknowing, for I was them once, even if they kill me, I'd love to be killed, but I may pen down my heart, for I am the light that dispells their darkness, for I am the medicine they may need when they feel ill, can you not see the people who suffer, turmoils they created themselves, how can I remain silent, for when you see pain of sorrows, people who grieve to ones who die, unfree from bondages, for they don't see their longings, nothing of them belongs here, to pen down my heart would be pure liberation, to vanish their desires as air who flows, for their minds are attached to things non-being, they panic when they see everyone pass, for they pass as I pass too, why to remain quiet, when I am the non doer, let me follow my dharma, to give to the world I've been given, for nothing belongs to me, neither I want them to bear the pain nor I can see all suffer, for I am the cure of their sorrows, so let me pen down my heart. One who realizes cannot remain ignorant, for many who gave their life, changed other's lives, for many failed and been burned, for they can never see their fate, I am among them, among the sages, but I've no pride of that for theirs no me, for the 'I' is not me but all the world, for the pain I'd endure; for the bliss I'd feel; all as I change other's lives, as I pen down my heart.

Once upon a time, I see myself as you, at the beginning of the end, where the end seems like the beginning. I say, please release a need to have known, and please drop your seeking, for their is no path for me to give you, but only compassion, and please then loose your sense of self, for that ego alone is your bondage to 'I', and please not believe but feel the universal self, and please not sit idle and function with love, and live for the love of other people.

Dharma is to live with love. Dharma is not do to others that which you do not want for yourself. Dharma is 'za balance' and the harmony. Never can we do to others what we don't want ourselves. Never we wanted to be hurt. Neither we wanted anyone to lie to us. It becomes the very nature for us to act with non-injury and speak with truth. Dharma can be situational. For if someone is hurting others then action has to be taken if there remains no choice otherwise. Sitting idle and watching the drama as it passes by is not what we would want if we were at their place to whom that drama is being imposed at. Dharma is universal and obvious. For even a thief hides his own loot after robbery because he doesn't want someone else to take what he claims as his.

Many things not perceived yet exists, rather believing on whats perceived, look within and reflect, as an entity by means I can learn more, rather depending on seen, recognize thus all same. The body can move, feel, act because of me. The mind can think, react, imagine because of me, so does the world exists because of me. I have created my world even if that appears to be unchanged by me, but the world was never in your hands, thus you become the world. All that appears to have any significance is all because of me, like a dream state, as soon as the observer wakes up, everything disappears. What appears is not the essence, for the essence is all the same, if you look closely, everything is water, made of hydrogens, more closely, even air has water, we are water, even fire has hydrogens, and thus all same, similarly all made of energy. We think as if the world is created so it must destruct some day, but real is who that never ceases to exist, thus I am real in the sense of having no appearance, for if I am within the world, so I am the world.

Unmanifest neither dies nor borns. That which is untouched by anything. Neither can fire burn it nor can water wet it. Unmanifest is that which has no appearance. Whereas manifest form is that whose appearance can be perceived as an object. As the river merges with the ocean leaving the ocean unchanged. Such that is the Self formless and unchanged. All appearances are unreal as real never ceases to exist. Why to grieve then? As all beings arise from the Unmanifest. Self can never be lost. Surrender yourself to the dispassion. Cease the craving of the pleasure. Though pain is inevitable. For that alone is the way change in world remains. Duty alone. For doing universally righteous thing without grasping results for the self motive. Attachment to the objects leads desire. From desire borns anger.

What are we seeking sir? Immortality of the Self. That which is a product of the environment itself. That self expression being the very reaction to our environment. All fears and beliefs are born from the very surrounding. Sir, conflict only arises from the false and the false. Never can it be for the true and the false. For whats true is very obvious.

Only pain moves the world sir. For the cause of pleasure is pain itself. Pleasures born from the false self yet leads to unnecessary pain. Only pain not born from pleasure but surroundings alone is that which moves the world. That pain has no conflict and its dissolution mere a intelligible functioning of mind. Sir, can there be a perfect surrounding free of pain. Surrounding can never be perfect sir, for perfection is a individual desire. As we also a result of surrounding that depends on subject's past and present. Then sir, doing wrong feels wrong and hence affects today. Know thyself as we say sir, when the self itself a mirage, a mere appearance, the 'being seen' and the perceived entity. That false subject a summation of its objects. World ever changes sir. Nothing ever remains same. Like a dream it is. Uncertainty then remains a law. For it is all there is.

Can the space be seen sir? Can it ever cease? for that appears truth; Even mine longing rejects mine truth. Stilling the mind isn't the essence; for we do that again and again; there is something to know; for then no stilling remains; here is no bondage or liberation; for even liberation is a seeking; all seeking a desire; that desire who caused; as we say everything's a reason; do that desire has reason; Sir I don't cling to anything; let me do as what life gives to be done; then nothing remains undone.

Ignorance either makes one blind or arrogant; blind when he doesn't know what he knows; arrogant when he thinks he knows all; peace is in the middle sir; can their be humble ignorance; for when he knows he doesn't know.

Dear sir, with profound respect, I've to know for myself, why to philosophize, when one cannot explain words beyond words, when saints like buddha cannot reason what they say, when stomach ache doesn't give you a time, when our eyes cry seeing our father cry, when we feel love seeing our mother love, when a simple life doesn't need to know. Though this feeling of mine, this ache to know and know, keep knowing forever, as if I've to get there, I don't know where when there's nothing I want. Is there an unconscious desire sir, that compels me to know? Is there a great compassion to teach others not to suffer? Is that the pursuit of knowing itself that rejoices me?

Sir, am I not a function of environment? All I am, from my family, from my society. Then why do we say I am the doer? For I feel everything I've done is not me. That everything I've thought is not me. If this existence is predetermined. Why then to blame someone for their sins? For their sins were not their fault. If they would have understood the totality. How they suffered through the ages with unknowing? Why then we punish sir? If we ourselves were starving to death, then anything we do to survive can't be wrong. Isn't that Ignorance not to have known not to harm others? Isn't that Ignorance not to have known himself as the world? How can I put a light on their Ignorance sir? What is in my hands to do? Is there nothing I can do sir? Why do I see the unseen? Is there no value of my love? Why do I feel the unfelt sir?

Who am I to say I am not the doer? Who am I to claim that knowing? I can't believe anything as such. Otherwise my existence would be a joke. All this time, I've suffered for my dreams, my passions, for my brothers and sisters. And yet you say, it was not me who did those. Then who was that, who controls my senses, who disciplines himself. Then who was that, who suffers the pain, and rejoices at pleasure. Then who was that, who cried when his father scolded, and smiled when his mother hugged. Who are those people that has felt the unexplainable? If I am not the doer. Then who did what I did? And why I did that anyway? Please sir, tell me.

Have you seen an ant sir? Wanders from here to there. Gathers food. Moves in herds. Has enormous potential. Yet blind in his vision. Believes on his smell. And keeps going. Until it dies. Neither he thought of himself nor could he see the significance of his existence. Such are humans that I see sir. They believe and go on. When they suffer, they go on finding answer. And when they rejoice, they say nothing matters. They don't even know themselves what they say, yet claim to have known the ultimate reality. What are they? Such a big egoism among men. I see them as a body, a mind, even that isn't theirs. And they claim to have gathered something, as if they can't live without those possessions. They made his own mirage. Yet scolds others for showing them mirage. And what this world has become? Men prey over other men. No humbleness. And such selfishness. They bring no mercy to weak. Yet they say that to be fate of the poor to die. With such a heart of stone, these men strive for comfort and power. What will they do that riches? Such blindness when they can't see their own death approaching by. Such anger and greed for others who hurt their egos. And yet my people, the world I see as one. Many of them crying on streets, for their kids to have food. Many could not get education. And yet these people of wealth, have divided our breed into kings and slaves. When the King doesn't see, he is not without his people. What can I do, mother? When I've seen the world suffer. I feel restless and crying. Who am I without my people?

What can I do for the love of this world sir, please begin from that? Before I pass, let this body be a service to humanity, with all that I have, free from bondages; world before myself. Keep saying philosophies when there are thousands dying of starvation, see your stomach ache as you become them. I am blissful to see I did not remain silent, else sitting by a corner and dying would been easier. Have you seen he sir? For in this poverty only, can your faith may tremble, and you may say, does he exist? And I see you speak of a dream thus claim to have nothing existed, when you see your people dying, when you see a baby crying, when you see the love of your mother, when you see the sorrows of your father; then my friend, you'll believe to exist, that is bound to happen.

Self discipline comes from fear sir, a need to escape our conflict and gain something. The fear expressed itself as a gain sir. Awareness has no discipline sir. Can we not act spontaneously sir? Can we not rejoice as we work? Why work seems hard sir? Why do we escape our work? Self conflict arises because we are afraid that we missed something sir. Life will not miss you sir.

Suffering then sir, is caused by dependence. A true artist is not dependent on his art sir, but he himself becomes the art. Influence thus creates dependency, and suppresses our intelligence sir. Dependence, caused by duality sir, implies escape from pain. Why escape sir? Can we not have a solution ourselves? Dependence sir, distorts love as well. Dependence gives us no choice. Be aware sir, and not leave any unconscious reaction. Be aware of sorrows sir, be an shock to awaken the mind. Intelligence thus, beyond musts and not, to see life as it is, a mirror of truth sir.

What is the philosophy of rose sir? Please let this word philosophy disappear, and only rose appear sir. Can we see our imagination as we hear rose sir? What appears in our eyes? Inexpressible feelings of utter love and sorrow sir. Please see sir. What does a rose feel? Can we for a moment be a rose? And see the world with the eyes of rose. Rose doesn't know language, can't talk, can't do anything, yet so peaceful and loving nature, and such a beautiful fragrance and beauty. Can we be like rose sir? Can we? Don't say how sir? See closely. Are we all not roses as a child?

Sir, can we be as a child? That drops all knowing. All that society has feeded us. The child being dependent had to know the false sir, we are not. We became a victim of that child sir, can we be a witness? What is there to think sir, except desire? Why do we desire sir? Is it due to pain we suffer? It seems we've no choice. Why then to worry and think sir?

Can we be a buddha sir? Such grace as one sees his face, and such humbleness and utter bliss. Can we have that bliss sir? Seeing the vast emptiness within. Seeing those people as me, yet there is no me. Can we act as no self sir? Unafraid of our scars and wants. Unafraid of they thinking on us. Can a act as an emptiness become utter love? Sir, all we need is to be as love.

Be an empty chair sir. A silent entity. A formless space. I cannot possess anything sir, but then I can be possessed. As the sunset possessed me, and roses possessed me. I dissolved in them sir. I became a presence, rather than a person. Truth then cannot be possessed sir. Holding that takes you far away. Truth thus comes when we disappear sir. The only way is to be possessed by that. Surrender yourself sir. When one appears as emptiness, how can there be any fear or possession sir?

As I walked besides who he is, as I saw the world around, an utter bubble I was living in, I felt as if I absolutely knew nothing sir. I am sorry for all this mess I made to myself. I saw the people working hard for their families, neither suffering nor rejoicing, seems to be already in bliss, as they do their duty, and as they lived, their beliefs did helped them survive sir. In this world sir, survival is the only rule to live, life seems to be a jungle sir, and the only way to live seems to be win. Sir, your conceptions did not helped at all, you felt confused and utter nervous, afraid and failed to express yourself as a buddha. You say ways to be like buddha, and yet cannot even act a moment like him. What about your philosophies and knowing sir, all melted away in dust. And In this cruel world, what are you with yours philosophies? Get up from fantasy land of yours sir, and awaken to silence. Trying to mimic like the buddha doesn't help sir. Look at your life, as you act. Please sir, wander more, you really know nothing at all, those books teach nothing sir. Your philosophies take you away from your truth, an utter bondage. You say of bliss sir, and seem to see that in a more blissful state. Your heart didn't helped you sir. Now I know precisely, I say with utter surety, that if a saint lives for his family, acting according to his dharma, he would have suffered less, rather than quitting the world, believeth to be a dream. Truly sir, you know nothing at all, and there is more ahead of you.

THE OLD DIARY OF ROSE

True as unknown

as mind seeks

the known

never finds

what true is

pleasures of pride

the shadow outcasts

pulling in reverse

towards a staircase

that never ends

his taking

becomes fear

his giving

becomes love

brave

is the sun

no shadow

in being light

a light

who needs

someone

to receive

a light

who becomes

infinitely null

if having

no one

to receive

a light

who wants

to subside itself

in nothingness

to dissolve itself

in everything

a light

giving

courage

to the one

who receives

hope

to the one

who believes

no one

looks at sun

with naked eyes

afraid of

the purity

of the sun

put a mirror

with the sun

a reflection

so pure

no mind

can distort it

all suffering

arises

from thought

beyond thought

is knowing

of cause

and effect

act

as soon as

you know

your deeds

your cause

and let go

of effects

have

no mind

in your things

no thing

in your mind

what is there

I want to know

in seeking

Into the unknown

o light

let me dissolve

shadows in me

so I could

trust myself

before the shadow

In this world

a flower

blossoms alone

it sings

with others

the song of love

it needs

water and sun

to reach the sky

I am

a mirror

of you

no control

in reflections

I receive

your pain

became

my love

so much

I have become

In becoming you

I am death

the cause of

someone's pain

I rest

in love

because

this is fate

flowers gives fragrance

but can not become Garden

flowers come and go

but Garden remains forever